Brian’s Final Days

When Brian’s psychic told him he only had three days to live, he knew he had to make the days count. Each and every day, Brian began waking up at 4pm sharp. He then proceeded to play League of Legends in the remaining few hours of the day. Brian’s fatal heart attack struck at 11:59 on the third day, as prophesied by his psychic, and the Book of Revelations in the Hebrew Bible. Brian left behind two wives, who quickly emptied his home of most of his valued possessions after his death, and seventy-three concubines. He is survived by his niece Diana and a series of illegitimate children, all named Brian. He would have been survived by his adopted African-American son Charlie, had he not fed Charlie to the fire god Azulroth as an appeasement sacrifice. His final will and testament, which is heavily redacted, was released to the public shortly after his death by Brian Nguyen (XVII). The redactions did not appear to mask sensitive information; rather they seem to be expletives.

Because Brian gave power of attorney to a sentient orangutan, his wartime comrade-in-arms Orville, it is unclear how much of his will has actually been executed according to the letter of his writing. His will entitles each of his children to an equal share of his estate, a three-story Dorchester apartment building. He also leaves to his closest friends his entire Pokemon Go collection, and a sample of his urine, contained in a Monster Energy can. Hey, sometimes nature calls in the middle of a comp match. His last wish was to have his greatest admirers compile a list of his achievements and travails, in the hopes of inspiring future generations of militant gamers.

He has elected to be cremated and will have his ashes strewn over the South China Sea in the hopes of creating artificial islands to be populated by the "pure-blooded Vietnamese in their righteous war against the f***ing [racial slur]s and the [racial slur] and let's not forget about the f***ing [racial slur]s. No sir."

He will be sorely missed.